Back in November 2013, my wife Linda Eason (née Moody) passed away, and I was left behind to mourn and to try to build a new life. One of the things Linda left me with was the knowledge of having been loved so well that it made it easier for me to move on and make my life anew. In fact, when I gave a eulogy at Linda’s funeral, I referred to the instructions she’d left to use all her best crockery- and not to struggle with the fact that this would inevitably mean its wear and tear and that, eventually, it would break. I knew she meant for me to do the same with the other things she’d left in my life – the things you cannot see.
After some time had passed, I felt I needed to go and be somewhere new for a while, and I had always wanted to explore the possibilities my dual US/UK citizenship offered, so I made arrangements to go and stay with a friend in New York for a few months. And, as sometimes happens, having gone to find myself, I found someone else, instead. This someone is Sandy, with whom I have started a new life here in New Jersey.
Just recently I found new employment here in NJ that will mean I am able to sustain this new life into the future. I’ll write another post about that in a moment, but just for now I wanted to acknowledge where I’ve come from, and what I feel it is I’m doing now.
I’ve also been mulling over in my mind how I will mark the anniversary of Linda’s death, which falls in a few days time. I was struck by a Herman Hesse poem (one that is in fact included with “The Glass Bead Game”, one of my favourite books), that seemed to speak to me of much of what I’ve come to know, and (though I believe I’ll repeat it later) it seems right to include it here, too. Where Hesse writes of a “magic force” I might interject that I feel the support and encouragement of a benevolent memory within me as well. –
As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.
Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence.
Even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.